Women oh Women!

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes---that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better?"

The woman said, "That would be o.k.," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be o.k. because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be o.k. because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."

So, she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a MILD heart attack."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever. Don't screw with them

WRONG!! Her husband got a heartattack 10 times milder than hers.

NEW MORAL OF THE STORY IS : Women just think that they are clever but they are not ;)

कुछ पॉजिटिव भी है?

एक बार संता को देखने के लिए लड़की वाले आये, कुछ देर बातें करने के बाद लड़की के बाप ने संता से कुछ सवाल जवाब करने शुरू किये।

लड़की का बाप: क्या तुम नॉन वेज खाते हो?

संता: जी हाँ।

लड़की का बाप: शराब पीते हो?

संता: जी हाँ।

लड़की का बाप: जुआ खेलते हो?

संता: हाँ।

लड़की का बाप: अरे तुम में सब कुछ नेगेटिव ही है या कुछ पॉजिटिव भी है?

संता: जी HIV पॉजिटिव है।

इंसानियत से विश्वास उठ गया

एक चोर एक अमीर आदमी के घर में चोरी करने के लिए जाता है।

जब वह चोर तिजोरी के पास पहुंचता तो उसने देखा कि तिजोरी पर लिखा था, तिजोरी को तोड़ने की जरुरत नहीं है।

452 नंबर प्रेस करके सामने वाला बटन दबाओ, तिजोरी अपने आप ही खुल जायेगी।

उस चोर ने जैसे ही बटन दबाया जोर से अलार्म बजा और पुलिस आ गई।

चोर जाते-जाते सेठ से बोला, तुम्हारी वजह से आज से मेरा इंसानियत से विश्वास उठ गया है।

Ticket less Girls

TC Fined Ticket less Girls...
Chudidar Girl Was Fined Rs100
Skirt Girl Rs 50

Mini Skirt Girl Rs 25
Next Girl Was Fined Rs 0
Why?
You Naughty
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She Had Ticket…

Welcome to the family son

A girl went to introduce the man she wanted to get married to,

Father: "So you want to marry my daughter, what do you do for a living?"

Man: "I just got out of prison, I will search for a job soon"

Father: "Whaaaat......!­!!!!! You were in prison and you want to marry my daughter with that bad record,What did you do?"

Man: "I killed a person"

Father: "What did the person do?"

Man: "He denied me to marry his daughter"

Father: "Welcome to the family son"

The Bathtub Test

In a Mental Asylum, a journalist asked the Doctor:
How do you determine whether to admit a patient or not?

Dr: Well, we first fill a Bath Tub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub...

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use d bucket bcoz its bigger.

Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now will you please proceed to bed no.39 

Ek baar fir apne College me wapas laut jau!

Waha ki DHUP bhi achi lagti thi
Yaha ki AC me bhi aaram nahi hai

Waha GHAAS pe baithna bhi acha lagta tha
Yaha CHAIRS pe bhi chain nahi hai

Waha ke SAMOSHE bhi swadisht the
Yaha ke BURGER me bhi swad nahi hai

Waha ki CHAI bhi meethi lagti thi
Yaha ki CAPACHINO me bhi mithas nahi hai

Wo BLUE UNIFORM aur JEANS me ek confidence tha
Aaj FORMAL me bhi comfort nahi hai

Wo BLACK SHOES me jo baat tha
Woh aaj ADIDDAS aur NIKE me nahi hai

COLLEGE BUS ki aakhri seat pe baith ke Gaaye hue Gaano ki jaise ab Dhun bhi yaad nahi hai

Ab bas saamne ek Computer Screen hai aur hasne layak koi mazak nahi hai

Faculty se ladte waqt ye pata bhi nahi tha ki Manager ke samne kuch bol bhi nahi paenge
Ab to ye bhi nahi pata hota ki hum wapas Ghar kab jaenge

Ek Jhuthi Muskurahat liye hum jaise jee rahe hai
Zindagi ka koi bhi Ghum ho Office ke kaam ke saath pee rahe hai

Subah ka ek Message “Aaj nahi chalte yaar”
Ab “Its 9.30 where are u??” me badal gaya hai

Pehle jis hasti ko lagbhag pura College janta tha
Aaj wo ek CUBICAL me simat ke reh gaya hai

Pehle ek dusre ki party me jaise bill badhane jate the
Aaj ki Partiyo me thodi si Khusiya paane jate hai

Pehle Best Friend B’day pe cake na laye to gussa ho jate the
Aaj to Best Friend se B’day pe mil bhi nahi pate hai

Woh College group ki ladaiya jo agle din hi bhul jate the
Aaj Manager aur Subordinate ki jung me tabdeel ho gayi hai

Exam hall ki “ek line bata de yaar”
Wo ek line ab Google pe bhi nahi mil rahi hai

Pehle jinhe ghanto baith ke hasate the
Aj unse jee bhar ke baat karne ka bhi time nahi hai

Pehle jinse mile bina din nhi katta tha
Aj unke bina zindagi kat rahi hai

Wo Mid-Sem me ek shabd bhi na likhne ki azadi
Aaj jaise badi badi Excel sheet update karne ki majburi me tabdeel ho gayi hai

“Tune kitna padha plz mujhe bhi padha de yaar” yaha koi nahi sunta
“I have done my work please review it” hi hamari favorite line ban gayi hai

Dil kehta saari bandishe tod ke wapas chala jau
Ek baar fir apne College me wapas laut jau!

sleeping together

Boy1: Meet my wife Tina :)
Boy2: Oh! I know her :p
Boy1: oh How? :/
Boy2: actually we were caught sleeping together :-|

Boy1: what?? What the hell? :-@
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Boy2 : during lecture in maths class dude 
Think Positive yar :D

The World As We Know....

If Govinda was a spider man...

If Govinda was a spider man.

Can you guess how it looks…

SCROLL DOWN

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Presentation does matter.. No matter what the reality is..

2 Women chatting in office..

Woman 1:" I had a fine evening, how was yours.. ??

Woman 2:" It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep.. How was yours.. ??
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Woman 1:" Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house..It was like a fairy tale!
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At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..

Husband 1:" How was your evening.. ??

Husband 2:" Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep.
What about you ??
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Husband 1:" It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot topay the bill; so I took her outfor dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab.

We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!

Moral:" Presentation does matter.. No matter what the reality is..

Brilliant Answers by a Student who got 0% Marks..

Q.1- In which battle did Tipu Sultan Died ?..
Ans.- In his Last Battle..

Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed ?..
Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page..

Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce ?..
Ans.- Marriage..

Q.4- Ganga Flows in which State ?..
Ans.- Liquid State..

Q.5- When was Mahatma Gandhi Born ?..
Ans.- On His Birthday..

Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People ?..
Ans.- By Preparing Mango Shake.

BUSTED !

A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate.

During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there's more between him and his roommate.

Reading his mom's thought, his son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose your mother took it, do you?

He said, "well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure! He sat down and wrote,

Dear mom,
After your visit me, the silver plate has been missing. "I'm not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house, and I'm not saying that you don't take it, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Your son.

Several days later, he received an email from his mother which read:
Dear Son,
"I'm not saying that you do sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you don't sleep with her: but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.
Love,
Mom

BUSTED ! :P

चूहा क्या कर रहा है?

अभिषेक - यार मै बड़ी मुसीबत में फँस गया हूँ ..

आदर्श - क्यों क्या हुवा ?

अभिषेक - अरे मैंने मेरे घर में एक चूहा देखा है !

आदर्श - ओह , ऐसी बात है तो ... एक काम करो ...
चूहे पकड़ने वाली मशीन का इस्तामाल करो ...

अभिषेक - चूहा पकड़ने वाली मशीन... मेरे पास नहीं है ...

आदर्श - तो एक खरीद लो ...

अभिषेक - मेरे पास अभी उतने पैसे भी नहीं है ...

आदर्श - अगर तुम्हे चैहिये तो मै मेरे पास वाली मशीन दे सकता हूँ ..

अभिषेक - हाँ ये ठीक .रहेगा ..

आदर्श - बस तुम्हे ये करना है की चूहा मशीन के पास आये इसके लिए थोडा चीज इस्तमाल करना पड़ेगा ...

अभिषेक - मेरे पास तो चीज भी नहीं है।..

आदर्श - ओके ... फिर एक काम कर थोड़ो ब्रेड का टुकडा लो और उसमे थोडा तेल लगाकर उसे चूहा पकड़ने के मशीन में लगा दो ...

अभिषेक - मेरे पास तेल भी नहीं है ...

आदर्श - तेल नहीं है ... तो खा ली ब्रेड का टुकड़ा रखा तो भी चलेगा ...

अभिषेक - मेरे पास ब्रेड भी नहीं है यार ...

आदर्श - चीज नहीं है ... तेल नहीं है ... और ब्रेड भी नहीं है ... तो साला वो चूहे का पिल्ला तेरे जैसे भुक्कड़ के घर में क्या कर रहा है ...

इंजीनियरिंग वर्जन ऑफ "जब तक है जान"

इंजीनियरिंग वर्जन ऑफ "जब तक है जान"

वो तेरा 40 नंबर के लिए तडपाना 
कभी 35- 36 पर लटकाना 
नहीं भूलूँगा मै ......... :(
जब तक है जान . जब तक है जान ... जब तक है जान 

वो तेरा नए नए रूल लाना 
उन उसूलों से हम लोगो को सताना 
नहीं माफ करूँगा मै .... .>:O
जब तक है जान .. जब तक है जान .. जब तक है जान 

वो तेरा बेधड़क बारिशों के मौसम में एक्साम कराने से 
सर्दियों में रिजल्ट दे कर नींदे उड़ाने से 
नफरत करूँगा मै ..:|
जब तक है जान .. जब तक है जान .. जब तक है जान 

पर इस बीच नए दोस्तों से मिलाने से 
हर मंजिल के काबिल बनाने से 
मोहब्बत करूँगा मै .... ♥
जब तक है जान .. जब तक है जान .. जब तक जान 

Pagal ki Kitab..

Doctor pagal se- Ye kya hai?

Pagal- Ye maine 500 panno ki kitab likhi hai...

Doctr- Tumne 500 panno pe kya likha?

Pagal: 1st page pe likha hai 1 raja ghode par baith ke jungal
ki taraf chala, aur akhri page pe likha ke wo raja jungle pahuch gaya..

Doctor- To Kaminey!
Bich ke 498 panno pe kya likha?
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Pagal- tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.. Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.........

Lal Killa Safed Kyu hai??

Neel Aur Uski Girlfriend Ek Din School Ke Ground Mein Bethe The . 

Girlfriend Ne Kuch Sochte Hue Neel Se Puchha: 
“ Yaar, Ye Lal Killa Lal Kyun Hai...?? 

Neel Bhi Majak Ke Mood Mein Tha Bola: 
Kyunki, Rajnikant Ne Paan Kha Kar Us Par Pichkari Mari Thi, 

Ab Ye Mat Puchhna Ki Taj Mahal Safed Kyun Hai...??

hahahahha Jo Samjha Chupchap Share Karo...

Tumhe dil kisne dia?

Girl: Aaj meri dil ka operation hai.
Boy: Pata hai
Girl: I love u!
Boy: mai bhi bohot pyaar karta hun tumse.
Operation k bad jab larki ko hosh aya to sirf uska baap khara tha.
Girl: Wo kahan hai ?
Father: Tumhe nahii pata tumhe dil kisne dia ? .
Girl: what?ye nahi ho sakta..! (aur zor zor se rone lagi)
Father: Mazak kar raha hun, kamina bahar baith ke Samose kha raha hai! :D

'POLITICS' Kya hai?

Son: dady 'POLITICS' Kya hai?


Dad-Teri MAA Ghar Chalati Hai Use "SARKAR" Manlo,


Me Kamata Hu Mujhe "KARMCHARI" Manlo.

Kamwali Kam Karti Hai Use "MAZDUR" Manlo


Tum Desh Ki Janta aur


Chote Bhai Ko Desh Ka "BHAVISHYA" Manlo.


Son:- Ab mujhe politics samajh me aa gayi dady...


Kal Raat Mene Dekha Ki 


"KARMCHARI MAZDUR Ke Sath Kitchen Mein gale mil Raha Tha.


SARKAR So Rahi Thi,


JANTA KI KISI Ko Fikar Nahi Thi 


Aur...


DESH KA BHAVISHYA RO RAHA THA...

A Girl's facebook status...

A Girl's facebook status:-
"Travelled in Bus after long time"


Comments:- 
1) Awww, so sweet..!!!
2) May be nextime will go togethersweetie...!!!
3) Wow, i want to experience it..!!!
4) You went without me..?:(
5) Wonderful dear..!!! 


A Boy's facebook status:- 
"Travelled in Bus after a long time.."

Comments:- 
1) Haan toh Harami hum kya kare..?
2) Bas yehi teri aukad hai.!!
3) Kamine ab auto mai bhi jaiga toh status update karega kya..??
4) Baap ko bol kam se kam cycle lekar do..!!! 
5) Usi bus ka conductor ban ja kutte..
6) Ticket kharida ki nahi Bhikhari