World War III

George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that`s them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We`re planning World War III".
And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde.
The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

Laloo`s Threat

A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward.

A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening.

A guy from the front replied, "Well at the traffic crossing Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road.

He is refusing to move from there!"

"But why?"

"He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted 


for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupess as fines!

He is threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set 


himself on fire if people didn`t contribute with money to help 


him pay the fine!"

"So how much has been collected so far?"

"Six litres!"

Indian politician

An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. 


When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister 


was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the 


costly furnishings.


He asked, "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's 


salary?"


The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.


"Can you see the river?"


"Yes"


"Can you see the bridge over it?"


"Of course", said the minister.


"10 percent", said the senator smugly.


Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The 


Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they 


came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge 


palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, 


hundreds of servants etc etc.


"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian 


Rupees," he asked.


The minister called him to the window.


"See the river over there?"


"Sure", cried the senator.


"Can you see the bridge over it?"


The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said, 


"No, I don't see any bridge."


"100 percent", said the minister !!

Best patient

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

UN meeting

At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in the Middle East, the floor has been given to the Israeli Consul.

The Israeli Consul began, "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I wanted to relay an old story to all of you...

When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts, and prairies, and even more deserts... The people became thirsty and needed water.

So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters. Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen... And I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his clothes."

Yassir Arafat, hearing this accusation, jumps out of his seat and screams, "This is a travesty...It's a lie ! It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!"

"And in agreement with Chairman Arafat," said the Israeli Consul, "let me begin my speech..."

Shocked Bush

Donald Rumsfeld gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the president exclaimed. "That's terrible!"

His staff was stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head in his hands.

Finally, the president looked up and asked, "Just how many is a brazillion?"