While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Ouch," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful! I had tennis elbow once."
The teacher had just finished reading a story to the Fifth-grade class. She decided to check the student's knowledge of some of the vocabulary that had been used.
"Who knows what the word 'adolescent' means?" she asked.
Out of the entire class of 30, not one child raised a hand.
After a few more silent moments, she decided to give them a hint:
"Adolescent - it's something all of you are, and I am not."
Finally Little Johnny tentatively raised his hand, and in a very soft voice said, "Virgins?"
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them.
Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"
The grade 5 teacher one day asked the children in her class to make rhymes with their names.
First up was Dan. A very adventurous child.
My name is Dan,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to India and Japan,
If I can, If I can, If I can.
Very good she said to Dan. She then told Sally that it now was her turn.
My name is Sally,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby,
If I can, if I can, if I can.
That is good Sally, she said. But maybe one day you will change your mind. Next up was Sam he was the naughty one in the class.
My name is Sam,
When I grow up to be a man,
Never mind India and Japan,
I gonna help Sally with her plan,
The priest was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.
"Nothing much, father," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."
"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex."
In unison they all replied, "You win!"
When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" Time answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, Tim answered, "NO!"
The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.
Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
